I can’t believe Alex is gone. Since leaving Hirogawa at the start of all this, Alex has been together there with me and we have supported each other. I just got so used to being with him. He was more than that friend. He really felt like family. I just feel so alone now. There’s just this gap in me that opened up when the Shinoda gave me the report, and I don’t know how to fill it. Slowly, the group just keeps getting smaller and smaller. Just as we were coming to terms with Taro’s death, and getting used to his absence, this really brought everything up again. I didn’t even get to say a proper goodbye.
It took me a while to get myself together enough to focus on what we were doing. Shinoda and the rest of the SDF were annoyed about making the trip out here, just to be turned away at the door, but the people in the castle were adamant that they didn’t want us there. They made the concession that we could set up the tents and stay a night between the walls, but they would not let us inside the safer inner wall. In the morning they wanted us gone.
I’ll admit I wasn’t very helpful to anyone for the rest of the day. We talked with SDF about their contingency plan a little. Apparently there is an island called Tomogashima where the SDF have a larger outpost. There was a plan that if one of the smaller outposts were compromised, they could contact the Tomogashima camp to seek relief or evactuation. Other than that, there is radio silence, so the group from the power plant haven’t had any contact with the Tomogashima group for weeks.
Everyone was a bit worried about whether Tomogashima was still operational, so they thought the Alex’s suggestion of the castle seemed like a safer bet. However, since arriving her and being told they were not welcome, they have been trying to radio for a helicopter extraction. For the rest of the day they continued to try, but couldn’t get through.
I’m on autopilot and going along with everything that I’m told to do. It is nice to just be told to do something and not bear responsibility for what happens. When we were traveling before I always felt that I had a duty to get ensure everyone’s safety and come up with plans. None of what I did ever really worked out though. I do wish Alex were here. We had a lot of good times, and he really helped me get through this all.
Alex, I don’t know if they have wifi in Heaven or wherever you are, but I want you to know I am so, so happy we were with me on this journey, and I wouldn’t have made it this long without you. Ayako and Risa feel the same way. Rest in peace, man.